Practicing what I preach

It is funny how life teaches you lessons if you only pay attention. Last week my daughter was raking me over the coals because I was "annoying her" and "making her mad".  To my defense, I wasn't doing much of anything, but apparently my singing, my jokes, my rules, my lack of response when she wants it and occasionally my sheer act of breathing are the source of her angst. We had the talk about how I can't make her feel anything (if I had that super power everyone I know would feel wonderful all the time!), that her feelings are her own.  She decides what she holds on to, what bothers her and what doesn't.  She can chose to wallow in her own victimized, self pity or she can just let things go, accept what is, change what she needs to or decide to act if necessary.  The power is all hers.  There was no light bulb moment that day, but hopefully over time those insights stick with her.  The point: people will always do things that you dislike, but don't take them personally - 99% of the time it wasn't aimed at you.  Only you suffer when you cling to them. 

As luck (or life) would have it, a few days later my husband raised my ire - just the normal stuff married couples deal with: kids, how to parent, how to discipline, communication, etc.  I found myself mad, brooding, blaming, wanting him to change so I would feel better.  Of course it was he who was guilty of this foul mood I was in- right!?  

You see where this is going, I am sure.  It didn't take long for my conversation with my daughter to tip toe into the picture and change my perspective.   I ended up apologizing to him.  Not because I felt I was wrong in my opinion, but because I held onto the anger and put distance between us.  That simple act closed that distance and eased the positions we were clinging to.  Good lesson for me and for all of us; we chose which of the millions of moments we experience each day will stick to us, which of them we decide we want to suffer for, which of them we assume are to hurt us, which of them we believe expose something we are trying to hide, and which of them sail past without a thought.  However, in the end they are just moments, things that happen, mostly other people just living their life. We are caught in the crossfire and not the targets.  We can choose to pause and take a moment before we get angry.  We really do have all the power, if we only chose to step back for a moment to see it.  It's a lesson I continue to learn.  

So Merry Christmas! In all this crazy, holiday madness - stop and appreciate a smile, a joke, a hug, a secret, a sharing, a toast and enjoy the simple act of forgiveness if you need to. It is the best gift you can give yourself.