Capturing Blue Skies

This list is for those days when life is hard and I feel like God is so far away.  I hope it can remind me how much He has been in my life and done for me.  They aren't in any particular order as I intend to collect them as the memories come to me and document them when they happen.  Some are little, some are profound, most won't mean much to you, but in sharing them I hope to connect to you in some little way.  I am reminded to be grateful and to remember that I am the one who disconnects.

• Last week I was driving in Austin on I35 in rush hour, stuck in the far left lane going 2 miles an hour, needing to cross over 4 lanes of traffic to make a right turn, No one was budging despite my blinker blinking and moving closer to the right side of my lane as an indication I needed to get over.  Eventually I come to a stop light and I am the first one in line.  My plan is to gun it at the green light and overtake the car on my right. The driver of that car looked a bit to "ghetto" to want to help me (why am I judging? jeez!), but to my amazement, she was looking right at me, smiling and waved me into the lane in front of her.  No racing, no ignoring me, she was just gracious.  Thank you!
• Yesterday was a particularly crappy day for whatever reason.  I was in my shell all day and lacked motivation to do anything.  My little brother and little sister both called me out of the blue and were willing to hear my "mess" and to hear what was going on with them, made me feel not so alone.  When I was needeing connection God sent it.
• Many years ago when my little sister was days away from delivering her eldest son, I had the strangest vision of her.  I was in Texas, she in Illinois.  I had worked the 3-11 shift and it was well after midnight by the time I got home, piddled a bit and made it to bed.  As I lay there trying to sleep, I had this vision of her in distress.  Her mouth was open like she was vomiting or screaming.  There was no sound.  I felt like she was in distress.  I wanted to call, but it was so late and I didn't want to wake her up.  I figured I was crazy anyway!  About 20 minutes later, this peace washes over me and I drift off.  I wake the next morning to the phone ringing and it is her!  She had her baby that night!  As she told me of the events before delivery, I was amazed that the timing of her worst pain and nausea was the same time I was upset.  I calmed down about the time her epidural was placed and she felt better. 
• When I met my husband there were so many coincidences about us it was a bit overwhelming.  We called them "Godwinks".  Little signals that He had His hand in our finding each other such as: 1) We both had dogs named Riley/Reilly, 2)we both ordered the same drink - Jim Beam and Diet Coke, 3) his father and my mother both shared the same birthday, 4) we were both born in ILL, 4) we both hung out at the same bars in our twenties and remember some of the same events - likely we were both there but never met 5) our pre-marriage counselor did a test and we scored nearly the same on every question.  He said he had never in all his years seen that happen.  There were more, I just can't remember them.
• When I worked in the ER, I was getting really burned out.  Tired of all the social issues that show up with ER patients, the manipulation of drug abusers, the sadness of child abuse, the senseless killings, the many people who wanted something you could not give, replace, correct or fix.  One day myself and another nurse had to draw blood from a little 2year old boy.  His mother was another teenager on medicaid who was very indifferent to the child.  He was crying these huge alligater tears and was scared to death as we were drawing his blood.  I picked him up and held him.  He laid his head in the crook of my neck and held me and I felt those wet tears soak my scrubs so I swayed him a bit and hugged him.  When I went to had him to his monther, she told me to just lay him on the bed.  She didn't want to hold him.   I held him a few minutes more until he calmed down and it hit my like a ton of bricks.   That "heartless" mother was that little scared child a few years earlier.  No one had loved and held her when she was scared, so she didn't know how to do it.  I see that little boy so often in my head and feel his we tears when I see adults who are violent, drug abusers, child abusers, criminals and all the other "misfits" of society. I know God sent that boy to make me see differently.
• The time I ran a red light on a rainy wet night in the early morning hours and nearly hit an ambulance - but didn't.
• The time I wrecked my car in high school and was a few feet from a cement embankment but landed in a soft ditch.
• Twice I have seen God work through my son.  Showing him glimpses of loved ones in Heaven with insight about them there was no way he could have known.  He saw my Uncle playing cards - at the time he would have no way of knowing what "playing cards" was as it anything that we do or discuss now days, but it was something my parents and their families did often. He saw his Grandfather reading the Heaven News, not knowing that reading the paper cover to cover was something his "Bamper" did everyday.
• The day I resigned my corporate career so many exta-ordinary things happened: my rental car was not in the typical place, I said to myself, maybe it's because I like red cars and God is showing me He is with me.   There was a free upgrade, red sports car!  As I stared out the window of the airplane losing focus as I looked into the clouds(much like those trick pictures  you see at the mall), my focus shifted, I began to see faces in the clouds gazing upon me kindly.  The fortune cookie at lunch told me I was on the right path.  The closest parking spot was open during a busy time of day when I arrived at the office.  The person I was meeting with was actually in his office waiting on me for a 1:00 appt- he is never back from lunch on time and rarely on time for a meeting.
• I hadn't been to church at all since moving to Texas.  I drove past one on my street daily and one day decided to go.  The priest's sermon spoke directly to me. It was what I needed to hear.  That priest continued to show up in my life.  He moved to Frisco.  My sister moved to Frisco and I saw him there.  He moved to Coppell and I joined a singles group in Coppell.  Little Godwinks along my path.
• God placed me in my car driving along Greenville Avenue, moments after a man had a heart attack and drove off the road into a light pole. I did CPR on him and he survived.
• I have had 2 healthy children despite my "Advanced Maternal Age" as my doctor labled it (I was 39 and 41) and being a type I diabetic.  No complications, No ICU.  No problems getting pregnant. That just doesn't happen.
• On a day last summer when I had lost my way and was really struggling, I looked at the Yelp App on my phone for counselors.  I felt I really needed to talk to someone and get a better perspective on my situation.  Two lovely women wrote reviews about CM which spoke to what I was looking for.  It made me call the number and I connected with someone who has forever changed my life and I hope she will always be in my "tribe"
• There was a man in my life many years ago who hurt me terribly, but it forced me to stand up for myself, to take a deep look at who I was and what I wanted. I believe God put him in my life, cloaked in many things that reminded me of my father so I would open up to him.  But it was His answer to my prayer for true love.  I had to know what true love was not, so I could see it when it really happened.
• Last week I sat outside on the patio to clear my head and meditate/pray.  I asked for guidance on what I should be doing as I have been feeling very conflicted about not working and confused about opportunities that have presented themselves and fizzled.  I relaxed in a chair and tried to focus on the sound of the water pouring over the stones in the pool.  I kept getting side tracked by too many thoughts, but eventually sort of 'zoned out'.  While in this state which was peaceful and calm, of all things I see the little face of a squirrel.  Not actively doing anything and not the body, just the face.  It's expression was smiling.   OK - that snapped me back into the present. A squirrel is the answer to my prayer?  It is also odd because a squirrel has been showing up to eat my bird food quite a lot lately.  So, ever the inquirer, I whip out my phone and google it.  And get this (I'll take it!) 

http://dreamsnest.com/squirrel/
General Meanings:  Diligence and Well-being – Squirrel is a lively busy little creatures. After the ancient dream books, this announces that you do not need to worry about your future happiness, and material well-being, because you will find helper. 

• The way my heart feels when I look at my kids
• After walking away from a 14 year career that was a blessing - until it wasn't, God gave me the time and space to heal. The months off allowed me to refocus, re-energize and get to know my kids better. But a stay at home Mom job is not in my DNA. After 8 months, I sat on my patio and said these words, "God I want to be a good mother to my children, a good wife to my husband, and I want to use the gifts and talents you gave me to your will" Literally the next day the phone rang. It was a former colleague telling me about a company who was seeking what I knew, what I did. I had feared that lightening doesn't strike twice, that I would never have another start up opportunity like my former career, the market was saturated, it wasn't possible, I had my shot and it was over.  But not true, there is still work to be done and as things unfold, it seems destined. The people, the product, the work, the opportunity are all too coincidental to be random.  #GodWinks  #Grattitude